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Ok, so as you probably know, every year for the Super Bowl, Doritos enlists the help of its fans to make a commercial that will air during the big game. This was one of the entrants from back in 2012, and it still gets us all riled up to this day.

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First of all, only in a completely alternate commercial universe does a dopey guy like that get himself an absolute 10 like the woman in the video. On top of that, said smokeshow has to compete with…bags of Doritos for her dweeby boyfriend’s attention. So not only is she in a completely different league than King Doofus, nay, a completely different universe, he’s not even interested.

That is, until she gets naked and covers herself in Doritos. She rewards her boyfriend for his inattentiveness by giving him the one thing he wants. Which is not her.

Yeah, yeah, we get it, the ad’s supposed to be funny and all of that, but come on, you know you’re thinking the same thing. That maybe somehow, somewhere, there’s a complete and total fox out there willing to cover herself in snack foods just for you.

Alas, it’s been more than four years since we’ve seen this commercial, and we still have yet to find a woman willing to do this. Curse you, Doritos! Curse you!

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