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Who doesn’t love a good criminal gets f’d up story? If you say you don’t, chances are you’re a criminal yourself.

For the rest of us, here’s one of your more satisfying ones. A woman in Kingsport, England standing a diminutive 4’11” beat a suspected burglar so thoroughly with a baseball bat, when it was over he looked like he’d been on the receiving end of about a hundred brass-knuckled punches.

According to Daily Mail, police say the ordeal began with a knock on 52-year-old Lisa Morelock’s door Saturday night. When she opened it, a woman was standing there and said she was handing out flyers because her dog was missing. Then suddenly, a masked man appeared and tried to drag Morelock outside.

“He said ‘this is a robbery,'” she told a local television news station. “‘It was like we were playing football and I was the smallest quarterback in the world.”

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Morelock said she tried to slam the door in the man’s face, who was later identified as 34-year-old Joe M. Sotello, but he wouldn’t relent and continued trying to force his way into the house. After noticing he had a gun, Morelock said she grabbed a baseball bat and started swinging it at him.

She also said she was able to pull back his mask in the struggle and was stunned to see a familiar face behind it.

“I was shocked,” Morelock said. “I’ve known him close to 15 years, it’s not like it’s just stranger danger.”

Sotello eventually fled the scene to a nearby house, which ironically belonged to Morelock’s relatives, and he was held there until police arrived. He was arrested and charged with aggravated burglary and aggravated assault and jailed in lieu of $35,000 bond.

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