Unless you happen to work on The Howard Stern Show, masturbating at work could not only get you fired, it could get you arrested.
But Mark Sergeant, a psychology lecturer at England’s Nottingham Tent University, is looking past that glaring omission when he advocates for “masturbation breaks” on the job, suggesting that doing so would “be very effective at work” and a “great way to relieve tension and stress.”
Sergeant also believes masturbation breaks could serve as a sort of reward, giving workers more incentive to get all their work done. And he’s not the only unconventional thinker when it comes to self-gratifying at your place of employment. Sergeant’s bizarre notions are echoed by Dr. Cliff Arnall.
“I would expect a masturbation policy to result in more focus, less aggression, higher productivity, and more smiling,” Arnall said. “Certainly taking a masturbation break for boredom or an escape would increase work focus.”
Across the pond or here in the states, don’t expect this idea to be met with anything but a deadpan stare. Or if you’re flaky enough to float the idea to management, maybe even a trip to human resources.