Being a drug mule is no fun. I may or may not be speaking from personal experience, but transporting large quantities of illicit, controlled substance is a categorically bad idea. Let’s take this gent, for example:
Over the weekend, one Juan Carlos Galan Luperon, 28 years of age, was caught at New York City’s JFK airport with ten pounds of yak strapped to his person, not unlike those once-popular-like-during-the-80s-maybe weights you’d velcro around your legs when you ran or did leg exercises. Poor Luperon, who is no doubt going to jail for a long-ass time, had the coke strapped around his thighs and calfs—and I have to admit, while his form wasn’t anywhere near perfect (along with the idea of trying to sneak that much blow through JFK in the first place), he probably could’ve fit all that gear around his legs under a pair of sweats or maybe, you know, like, some parachute pants.
Ten pounds of coke hidden under parachute pants: god, that’s what the ’80s must’ve been like.
According to BroBible:
After getting off his flight from the Dominican Republic last week, Customs and Border Patrol agents noticed that Luperon was acting very nervous… They also noticed that the man’s pants were a little too tight. You could say he had bad jeans. He was said to be “bursting out of his pants” (Their words not mine) and his cover was blown. They conducted another body search and found ten pounds of cocaine strapped to his thighs and calves. Dan Bilzerian would be the perfect leg smuggler for this type of operation.
Mr. Luperon, you tried your hardest to bring us some Dominican yayo, and though you failed, we salute you for having the cajones (and the dearth of common sense or self-preservation) to pull off one of the most preposterous drug-smuggling schemes we’ve seen in a while.