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A man in South Africa got more than he bargained for on his honeymoon and so did his new bride.

Back in October, a one Mnombo Madyibi was battered by his wife after he entered the final stages of undress and she discovered enormity of his situation, the Daily Sun reported.

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photo by Unathi Mshumpela twitter screenshot

“All was well and she enjoyed the foreplay, but all hell broke loose the moment I took off my underwear,” Madyibi told the Daily Mail.

The 32-year-old reportedly got the nickname “Anaconda” after his fellow soccer players saw his penis in the locker room before a soccer match.

“When I tried to penetrate her, she bit my ear before squeezing my balls. Before I knew it, she knocked me over with a bottle of wine before attempting to suffocate me with a red and white teddy bear I had bought her as a gift,” he said. Wait, what? That’s absolute craziness.

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Madyibi claimed his screams summoned other guests and staff at the B&B where they were honeymooning.

“We took different buses back home. I don’t want to lay charges against my new wife. I love her,” Madyibi said.

According to Madyibi, the two met at church last year and she told him she wanted to abstain from sex until they were married.

The wife claims her new husband is telling lies about the beating, the Daily Sun reports.

“He has a big [penis], long like a cucumber and hairy and scary like a bush. I only slapped him on the cheek and never moered him or tried to suffocate him,” she said.

Not the most ideal start to a marriage, obviously, but the couple got some marriage counseling, so hopefully they were able to work everything out.