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Life is short. And when you reach a certain age, the realization that time is one of life’s most valued commodities turns the most conscientious souls into the most direct.

This 62-year-old dude’s Craigslist ad, which reads like an X-rated manifesto for the creepy old guy, is a prime example. There’s no mincing of words, no dilly-dallying, not the slightest hint that what this old guy’s looking for could be the slightest bit creepy.

You have to hand it to the guy, though. After that level of detail, he’s definitely whittled his target market down to a very, very select few. Attached, open-minded women who happen to be good with their hands and happen to have an array of oils and lotions.

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